


Kliff Wants A Quiet Life

by RaenUE



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Gen, I'll forewarn you that there's no payoff to this, also featuring my roommate's cat in the role of YOUR roommate's cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 12:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15243375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaenUE/pseuds/RaenUE
Summary: Kliff wants a quiet life. You want to pull him in Fire Emblem Heroes. What could go wrong?





	Kliff Wants A Quiet Life

**Author's Note:**

> I really mean it when I say there's no payoff

Late one Tuesday night, Intelligent Systems uploads a new unit trailer for Fire Emblem Heroes. A few days back they had released the silhouettes for two of the units, and it was almost painfully obvious that the two units were Silque and Jesse. You've spent the last few days trying to figure out what the theme of a banner with the two of them would be, aside from "Heroes from Valentia" of course! One of the memory crystals in Echoes had the two of them encounter each other shortly before the story started, so maybe the underlying theme would be 'crossing paths'? The other thing they had in common was that they were both optional characters, and while you chuckle remembering how you completely forgot to recruit Jesse during your first playthrough of Echoes, maybe, just maybe that means that they'll add your favorite character.

Excitedly, you start the video, hoping your desires are satiated.

The trailer starts with Jesse, an infantry sword unit. His sword is the Shadow Sword from Echoes, which gives -2 to his special cooldown count and instead of restricting the specials it applied to like Dark Mystletainn did, it balances the effect by preventing him from gaining additional cooldown charges through skills like Heavy Blade and gives an extra cooldown charge to his opponent at the start of combat. Before you had the chance to really process what any of that meant beyond the vague fear that Arya might be able to inherit it, the next character

Next up is Silque, and Infantry Staff unit who, in addition to becoming the first non-limited source of Dazzling Staff, comes with a new healing skill called "Savior" that allows her to warp to any ally as long as she uses her action to heal them that turn. It strikes you as a skill that might be a little too useful, but if she isn't able to attack foes the turn she warps maybe it wouldn't be that busted.

Up next is "Zeke", who is, to the surprise of nobody, a Horse-mounted Lancer. His weapon, Sealed Gradivus, seems to be a less than subtle reference to his sealed memories, and trades the Distant Counter effect of for an effect that inflicts a -4 debuff to all stats upon the opponent before combat if he attacks first. The lack of Distant Counter seems like a weird choice to make since that's that primary draw of using Gradivus, but if the wording "if he attacks first" is meant to be taken literally and not as something interchangeable with "if he initiates combat", he could easily become one of the best Blue Horses around since it'd be inverting the effect that was on Beloved Zofia, making it marginally stronger, and taking away nearly any drawback if you run him with Vantage. It'd take a really bad statline for him to be not worth using, and even then he could still be merged to +10 to make up for whatever shortcomings they'd give him to balance out the weapon effect.

You wince, already anticipating the outcry against a weapon that was so clearly not playtested.

Either way, the video isn't done, so it seems like there will be one more character announced.

You see a flash of white hair and nearly throw your phone through your laptop's screen in happiness.

It's Kliff, and he's a Green Infantry Mage. Personally, you would have preferred him as a Dread Fighter since they're the coolest class ever, but the intended promotion for him in everything since his redesign in Echoes seems to be a mage and you'd be the last person to complain that Kliff got any extra attention. His tome, Gronnserpent, was well overdue for being added into the game, and while it'd have been neat if he got something original, you're glad that they’re finally adding Kliff, your favorite character from Echoes! His dry wit, his disinterest in this "Deliverance" tomfoolery slowly turning into him begrudgingly admitting that he had fun (not that you’d be able to tell anyone else and escape with your life!)... you didn’t believe in the idea of a soulmate before, but after meeting Kliff? You’re open to the idea, and you can’t wait for the banner to be released.

The day comes when Intelligent Systems finally adds your child, your son, your marvelous boy to the game.

You drop the 500 orbs you had been saving up for this exact moment, and he doesn’t show up.

Your pity rate is now 8.50%.

You knew it could get that high, but it never really felt that it was something that could actually happen, y’know?

You start scrounging around for any orbs you can find. You’d already done all the Blessed Garden and Story maps (on all difficulties), and you hit the score cap on the current Tempest Trial+ nearly a week ago. If you do the Rival Domains for this week and the do well enough in the arena, you’ll end up with 5 orbs, but the banner ends on the same day that the arena closes so you’ll a few hours between when have a three hour

But what about buying-

You can’t allow yourself to finish that thought. If you were to spend money, there’s no telling how much you’d let flow from your wallet before you either were given that which you desired or Intelligent Systems had robbed you for all you were worth. You want Kilff, but for your own sake you must also be pragmatic about how you obtain him.

So you bang out that Normal Rival Domains grind out Arena runs. You’re at Tier 17 right now, so if you go up in rank you’d get 4 orbs. The threshold for the Tier 17 to Tier 18 promotion isn’t small, but you can’t risk ending up one measly orb short of an additional chance to get Kliff.

You knew stockpiling over 400 Dueling Crests would come in handy one day.

After a few days of grinding, you’re ranked within the top 100 in Tier 17. You briefly consider that you overdid it -which you certainly did- but if you end up getting Kliff it'd be more than worth it.

And so you wait.

You wait for this arena season to end.

The wait is unbearable, because you’re not just waiting for 4 orbs. You’re also waiting to find out if you’ll have to enter the nightmare of trying to pull Kliff off-focus. You know that you only have one shot. You’re going to have to soloyolo. You’re at 8.50%, so you’re probably going to walk away with something, but if it isn’t Kliff it’ll be years before you (and your orb balance) can ever recover.

The day finally comes, but of course you have to wait for it to nearly be over before the hour of judgement comes.

You can't focus at school, you can't focus at work, and you nearly get hit by a bus because you can't even focus on your walk home.

You do all your rituals for good gacha luck. You call your sister unannounced and ask her to wish you luck (she doesn’t, just as planned). You make an early -but hearty- dinner for yourself. You spend a good 3 hours cuddling your roommate's cat, not because she'll bring you luck, but so you can calm your nerves.

Your phone buzzes as the alarm you set goes off. You reach over to grab it, but the cat in your arms mews in disapproval, as if to warn you that you're not going to like the answer you're going to

You coax her off of your body and look her in the eyes as she positions herself on your bed.

'Sweetie,' you tell her, 'I need you to understand how important this is to me. I still love you, but you're not the only person I want to give my affection to.'

She looks at you for a moment, studying your face as if scanning you for any other traces of infidelity.

'Sweetie, nobody could ever replace you. Nobody.'

She meows in agreement, apparently satisfied with your faithfulness to her, and jumps from your bed. You watch as she walks out of your room, her gait betraying how much she wishes she could have you all to herself.

She stops as she reaches the door, before meowing one final. She doesn't look back, but you can tell that this isn't easy for her.

'I love you too.'

She looks down at the floor for a moment, reassured that what you two have isn't over, and disappears into the darkness of the hallway.

Picking up your phone, you boot up Heroes, and head straight to the arena to claim your rewards.

There was no doubt in your mind that it'd happen, but you're flooded with a sense of relief as you rank up to Tier 18 and your orb count goes from 1 to 5.

You put on some music. It's part of your ritual to pick a system BGM from a foreign rhythm game (if it work, it works), and tonight, feeling a little bold, you decide to go with one you haven’t used before.

You take a deep breath, navigate to the summon screen.

You let out a bitter laugh as the game gives you five blue orbs to choose from. If it had given it to you when you could pick more than one, you may have had better luck.

You pick the top one.

You finger hovers over the summon button, the anticipation of what could be to come consuming your body.

As the final part of the ritual, you close your eyes, take another deep breath, and press summon.

You wait for the summoning animation to play out before you reopen your eyes. One second turns into two, two into three, three in to four, and just as you're about to open them, you hear a voice.

"This is new," he says.

Your eyes flash open

You'd recognize that voice anywhere.

It's him.

He's right in front of you.

Kliff, who you spent 505 orbs to get, finally appears.

That smug smile, the half-disinterested gaze... it really is him.

Spots begin to dance in your vision before you remember that you need keep breathing.

Without waiting for you to tap the screen to advance through is dialogue, he continues to speak.

"Uhhhhh... I think I’ll pass on this one."

His summoning dialogue is voiced, which catches you off guard. They hadn’t done that for anyone else, did they?

"This isn't really my kind of scene, but I appreciate the invite," he adds before promptly unsummoning himself.

It takes you a moment to consciously process what just happened, but the tears have already begun to flow.

Kliff, who you spent 505 orbs to get, appeared at the last moment only to disappear right before your eyes.

You frantically search through your allies, trying to find him, but he's just not there.

You fall to your knees, sobbing. You could have dealt with simply not pulling him, but this is beyond cruel!

Life is simply unfair.

Though your grief, you feel something rub up against you.

You open your eyes to see that Sweetie has returned to you. She doesn't look mad, or upset, or disappointed.

She just wants to be there for you when you need her most.

You wrap your arms around her, your sobs turning into a ghastly wail.

All that Kliff had ever wanted was a quiet life.

You were selfish to want to take that away from him.

Some things were just not meant to be, and, when it came down to it, you'd rather your beloved be happy away from you than them be miserable beside you.

Unfortunately, that does nothing to dull the heartbreak.

 

You do not get your orbs back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know.
> 
> Part 3 of the series "Fics I wrote instead of working on the long one I've been working on for way too long"


End file.
